In Search of the One Ring
by Odeena Sabnach
Chapter four: Of Gates, Wraiths and Pillow Fights
// It’s late night, and the four hobbits stand outside the entrance gate to Bree. Frodo knocks.
Gatekeeper: (Croaky) What?
Merry: It’s cold, we’re starved, and you’re a jerk.
Frodo: (Whispers) Not like that! Like this! Ahem. Excuse me, kind sir, but could you please open the gate for us to enter Bree?
Gatekeeper: Why of course, young sir! Be welcomed!
// The gates open, and the hobbits enter. They head straight for the Prancing Pony.
Frodo: Well, this is where Gandalf is supposed to meet us. Let’s go in.
Sam, Merry & Pippin: Yay!
// But going in turns out to be more difficult than any of the hobbits thought. After five minutes of making desperate attempts to reach the doorknob, Frodo finally gives in and knocks. The door opens.
Inn keeper: Hello, can I help you kids?
Frodo: We're not kids... we're hobbits.
Inn keeper: Um... right.
Frodo: We would like a room.
Inn keeper: I just happen to have a four-bed room.
Sam: Yay!
Inn keeper: That'll be two hundred.
Sam: Two hundred?! That's robbery!
Frodo: Forget it, Sam. We'll take it.
Inn keeper: Be welcome then, mister...
Pippin: Bag--(Frodo elbows him)
Frodo: Underhill.
Sam: Okay, Frodo, if you want to, we'll stay here for the night. But I want my bed to have pink sheets.
// Meanwhile, outside of Bree...
Wraith #1: They're in there somewhere...
Wraith #5: Yeah, I can smell them! ...Or roasted beef.
Wraith #1: Don't EVEN go there.
Wraith #5: Sowee.
Wraith #1: So, anyway. Follow me!!
// The wraiths go effectively through the city gates, Wraith #1 head firts. Random people on the street scream.
Wraith #1: Ow.
// Meanwhile, at the Prancing Pony...
// Sam, Frodo, Merry and Pip met with Strider, a mysterious ranger they have to trust or else.
Sam: So, you're saying there 'Wraiths' will come and try to kill us tonight.
Strider: Yup.
Sam: OK, I guess we'd better sleep with you then.
Frodo: HEY!
Merry: No way!
Pippin: Speak for yourself, Sam.
Sam: No, no, not that kind of sleep!
Frodo & Merry & Pippin: Oh.
Strider: So it's settled then. Come on, my room is this way.
// A few hours later...
Hobbits: Zzz...
Wraiths: (sneak in the room where the hobbits are supposedly asleep and begin to slice & dice everything)
Wraith #4: (after a while) Hold it.
// The other wraiths stop
Wraith #4: Do hobbits have feathers?
Wraith #1: Wait a minute. (Pulls covers aside) Damnit, we've been tricked! ARGH!
Wraith #2: Aww, they're not here!
Wraith #5: So what now?
Wraith #9: Well, since we're all here, I suggest a - PILLOW FIGHT!!!
Other wraiths: Yay! (fight ensures)
// Back in Strider's room...
Frodo: Hear that? They're going to kill us!
Sam: Oh where's your guts you chicken!
Merry: I'm scared.
Pippin: Me too.
Strider: ... horrible. Let's get out of here before they find out where we are.
// The next morning...
Wraith #1: Huh... what? Where am I?
Wraith #7: We slept in!
Wraith #1: Oh no. Let's get the hell out of here!
Wraith #3: We will... just as soon as you get the hell off my foot!
Wraith #1: Oh... sorry.
// And after another bone rearrangement, the wraiths leave Bree, and resume their hunt for the One Ring, with Wraith #1 first, sword drawn out - and Wraith #3 last, muttering unfriendly stuff about bones, pillow fights and eviscerating Wraith #1. Stay tuned for the next episode of In Search for the One Ring - coming soon!