In Search of the One Ring
by Odeena Sabnach
Chapter 10: The Gathering of Dudes
// Rivendell. Continuing from last time…
Elrond: My fellow dudes, something is about to happen. Something that neither I, nor anyone else in the entire Middle Earth had forseen.
Frodo: (whispers to Gandalf) You know, he freaks me out when he talks like that.
Gandalf: (shrug)
Boromir: So, what's the news? Tell us already!
Elrond: Okay, here goes. A fortnight from now…
Everyone: Yes…?
Elrond: In Lòrien…
Everyone: Yes…?
Elrond: My son Elladan is getting married!
Boromir: Whoa, that's great! Congratulations!
Aragorn: (rolls eyes)
Elrond: Thank you, thank you. Moving on, the Ring of Power has been found.
// Silence
Elrond: Ahem. The Ring of Power has been found.
// Silence
Elrond: Hello-o! The Ring of Power--
Aragorn: We heard you the first time.
Elrond: Oh. Sorry?
Boromir: I don't believe you.
Elrond: Dude, are you calling me a liar?
Boromir: Well, I--
Gandalf: Excuse me, Boromir. Would you believe it if you saw it?
Boromir: Uh--
Gandalf: Very well. Frodo…?
Frodo: (innocent) What?
Gandalf: Show them the Ring.
Frodo: Oh. Okay.
// Frodo takes out the Ring and shows it.
Everyone: Whoa.
// From a nearby bush, we hear a gasp, then the sound of bones hitting bones.
Wraith #3: Ssh!
Wraith #5: Ow! That hurt!
Wraith #3: Shut up!
Wraith #5: Don't you tell me to shut up, I am King!
Wraith #3: So? I'm a king, too!
Wraith #5: Well, I'm better!
Wraith #3: Are not!
Wraith #5: Are too!
Wraith #3: Are not!!
Wraith #5: Are too!!
Wraith #2: Guys, would you STOP IT? Please?
Wraith #3 & Wraith #5: Oh yeah? Why?
Wraith #2: BECAUSE we're SUPPOSED to SPY on them?
Wraith #3 & Wraith #5: Oh.
// Meanwhile, back at the GoD…
// Things have degenerated, and everyone is arguing about what should be done with the Ring, which is the dumbest race in Middle Earth and how many times a month should a ranger take a shower.
Gimli: Elves are stupid.
Legolas: No, dwarves are stupid!
Gimli: (temper rising) My little son is smarter than you!
Glòin: You have a son?
Gimli: (Drat, I shouldn't have said that) Umm, no, I just--err--said that. Yeah.
Legolas: See? You're stupid!
Gimli: GRR!!
Boromir: Don't you see it? It's a gift!
Aragorn: (Eyebrow raised) What's a gift?
Boromir: My horn. It's a gift from my father Denethor, the King of G--err, I mean the Stewart of Gondor.
Aragorn: Yes. The Stewart of Gondor. Not the king. You'd better keep that in mind.
Boromir: Why?
Aragorn: Because I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and I am the heir to the throne. So technically, I am king.
Boromir: Yeah, I'm so sure.
Aragorn: Whatever (this is plain stupid).
Frodo: Oh will you people just SHUT UP!!!
// Everyone stops whatever they were doing and stare at Frodo
Frodo: Seeing you all has made me realize something. Something of great importance.
Gandalf: Go on…
Frodo: If the Ring goes to any of you, it will be the end of the world as we know it. So I'll take it to Mordor and destroy it. End of question.
Gandalf: Uh…
Elrond: Dude…
Frodo: I thought so.
Gandalf: Okay… but I'm coming with you. No way you can do this alone.
Aragorn: I'm coming, too. And you can have my sword.
Legolas: And my bow, although I'm afraid you'll have to find your own arrows.
Gimli: And my axe, but I want it back in one piece.
Boromir: Although I don't agree with this decision, I'm coming, too.
Aragorn: You sure you don't want to take the Ring for yourself?
Boromir: Uh, no, what makes you say that?
Aragorn: Just checking.
Sam: (runs in) HEY! Mr. Frodo isn't going anywhere without me! I am, after all, his gardner, guardian, cook, servant and loyal follower!
Elrond: Dude, were you spying on us?
Sam: Uh… kinda?
Elrond: Okay, you can go, too.
Merry: (runs in with Pippin) Don't forget us!
Pippin: Yeah! It's either us or nobody!
Merry: That was dumb, Pip.
Pippin: Oh. Sorry.
Elrond: (Sigh) Fine. Anyone else who wants to join us?
// Silence
Elrond: Very well then. You shall be - the Nine Dudes Who Will Take The Ring To Mordor To Destroy It And Therefore Save The World!
Everyone: …
Gandalf: Elrond, that name is too long. How about the Fellowship of the Ring?
Elrond: Fine, if you must… You shall be… the Fellowship of the Ring!
Pippin: Cool! So, where are we going?
// About an hour later, somewhere in the woods, Wraiths #2, #3 and #5 return to the others…
Wraith #1: Well? What did you hear?
Wraith #2: They'll take the Ring to Mordor.
Wraith #1: They?
Wraith #2: Yeah, they're nine now, four hobbits, a dwarf, an elf, two humans and Gandalf.
Wraith #1: And, and?
Wraith #2: Well, I'm afraid that's all I got. I would have heard more, had these two been quiet.
Wraith #1: What…?
Wraith #3: …no, I'm better!
Wraith #5: I had a castle!
Wraith #3: I had a castle too!
Wraith #5: My castle was bigger than yours!
Wraith #3: Was not!
Wraith #5: Was too!
Wraith #3: Was NOT!!
Wraith #5: Was TOO!!
Wraith #1: (Sigh) The never-ending story.
Author's Note: The Wraiths are back! I changed the storyline a bit and gave them a little part in the plot, so they won't feel ignored any more J