The Ring goes to Italy!

by Odeena Sabnach

Chapter 3: Fangirls attack

"Odeena...?"

I stuck out my tongue at whoever was disturbing me and snarled, "Go away." And I did all this without even opening my eyes. I can say it had become some sort of a reflex.

"Wake up! Gollum fell off the bus!"

"What?" I jerked up, forgetting all about sleep, and glared at Boromir. "Uh... please tell me this is a sick joke of yours", I pleaded, rubbing my temples. "Otherwise, I'm going to flay you and hang you by your toes from the heights of--"

Boromir coughed. "Well, actually it was a joke. Bue hey, are we there yet?"

I cocked an eyebrow. "You mean to tell me you woke me up just to ask me if we're there yet?"

He nodded, looking utterly abashed, "Yep."

I sighed. At the moment, I felt an almost irresistible urge to punch him in the face and wile that (...cute?) smile off of it. Then again, that would have meant getting past Rhett, who was snoring lightly, and Lisa, who was still reading her Silmarillion and not paying any attention to the rest of the world, and probably attracting a lot of unwanted attention. "Go away", I repeated instead. "I want to sleep."

"The guys in the back are getting restless", Boromir pleaded. "What should I tell them?"

"That no, we're not there yet, and no, we won't be there for another..." I checked my watch "...twenty-three hours and a half."

Boromir pouted. "I'm not telling them that."

I sighed, "Why not?" 

"Because they'll tear me limb from limb if they hear it from me."

I rolled my eyes. "You aren't going to just be a good man of Gondor and go back to your seat, are you?" I asked.

He shook his head, "Nope."

"Fine..." I got up, apologized (again) to Rhett and Lisa, and quietly made my way to the back of the buss. As soon as the others saw me, questions and complains began to pour.

"Are we there yet?" 

"Arwen stole my lipstick!"

"Excuse me... there's a random person named Sarah who took hold of my hand and won't let go... Help?"

"My hand hurts from signing so many autographs... Is there a copy machine around?"

"I want to sleep and Gollum won't let me!"

"Are - we - there - yet - ack! Get off! *gasp* Help!"

In case you haven't realized it yet, here's what was happening. Most of the male half of the group - namely, Aragorn, Haldir, Faramir and Frodo - were under assault by fangirls. Aragorn was the one signing too many autographs, as he was surrounded by at least five or six fangirls. A slim, brown-eyed girl had made herself comfortable in Faramir's lap and didn't show any signs that she would move for the world. Another girl had taken hold of Haldir's hand and held tight to it, while the poor elf struggled in vain to get loose. As for Frodo, he was also signing autographs, but he seemed to rather enjoy it.

"Okay... where should I start?" I ran a hand through my hair. Good Gods, why me...? "First of all - no, we're not there yet, and we're not going to be there for another twenty-three hours." I ignored the chorus of sighs and protests and went on. "Eowyn, it's not my fault if you can't guard your stuff properly. Wait... since when do you use lipstick?" Eowyn just shrugged. "Gollum, leave Sam alone. As for the rest of you... well, what can I say? Be nice to the girls. They are, after all, your devoted fans. And..." I looked around. "Where's Legolas?"

"Shut off in the toilet", Boromir answered in a whisper. "He couldn't take it any more..."

Poor elf. For a second, I thought of asking him to come up front with me, but then I remembered Lisa's obsession with Lord of the Rings and dismissed the idea.

"Well, good luck to all of you!" I said with a shrug. "And remember to behave!" Again, I ignored the avalanche of moans and begs for help and returned to my seat.

"What was that all about?" Lisa whispered in my ear.

"Oh, nothing", I said casually. "The guys are under attack by the crazy fangirls association. 

"Really?" She stood up. "I'm going to save them!" she whispered hurriedly, and then she made her way quickly to the back of the bus."

I shrugged again. If that's the way she wanted it...

Once again, I leaned my head on Rhett's shoulder and fell asleep.

_______________