The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Sabnach

Chapter 11: Where Haldir gets in BIG trouble 

"You know, getting interrupted just when you are about to begin reading your story seems to be a trend", Haldir muttered, rolling his eyes, as a loud bellow came from upstairs.

"What in the name of Elbereth was that?" Legolas asked, sounding slightly alarmed. 

"You're not scared, are you?" Gimli taunted him. 

"Me, scared? Dream on, dwarf... You, on the other hand, are shaking like a leaf."

"Speaking of leaves, at least my name is not 'Green Leaf'. What kind of name is that?"

"An elven name, thank you very much", Legolas answered proudly. "And what kind of name is 'Gimli'? It sounds like 'Mickey Mouse'!"

I sighed, "Knock it off. Haldir, that was either a cave troll or my sister. And since a cave troll could never fit upstairs, I'd say it was my sister. In which case, I'd say that you're in trouble. Big trouble."

The bellow came again, and this time I distinguished the words, "Haldir of Lorien, you get your elven hide up here right now!"

"Yep", I said. "You're definitely in trouble."

I don't think I mentioned my elder sister before. Her name is Willow (Will for short... I like to call her Wumpa, and she hates me for that), and she's more LotR obsessed than I could ever be. Basically, she knows all the books by heart, Silmarillion is her bible, and she has a serious obsession for elves. Well, all but a particular one. Guess who that would be.

"Uh... could you come with me?" Haldir asked meekly. "Please...?"

If there's one thing in the world that makes Haldir want to look for a rock to hide under, that's Wumpa. I shrugged, "What did you do this time?"

"Nothing, I swear!"

"Oh yeah? Then why does she sound like she wants to poke your eyes out with a fork and have them for breakfast?"

Haldir shuddered. "I don't want to know..."

I sat up and sighed again. "Okay, elf. Let's go."

"Okay", Haldir said, or rather whimpered miserably. I could tell he was not happy about this.

We made our way upstairs and to Wumpa's door, whose every inch was covered with posters and prints from - yes, you guessed it, Lord of the Rings. Before either of us got a chance to knock, the door jerked open, and my sister appeared in the doorframe. 

"Get in here", she said, glaring at Haldir. "And... what do you want?" she asked in an annoyed voice, turning to me.

"I'm with him", I said. "What did he do?"

"What did he do? What did he do?" Wumpa was screaming at the top of her lungs. "This!" she yelled, jerking one hand to point behind her and towards the inside of her room.

"This - what?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

Wumpa groaned and dragged me inside. Once there, my jaw dropped two levels below the basement of the house.  "What... what happened here?" I staggered. The rook looked like it had been devastated by Saruman's army of Uruk-Hai. Compared to it, my own room was a monument to tidiness.  "Hold on", I said, snapping out of it . "What makes you think that Haldir was the one to--"

"I know it was him!" Wumpa yelled. "I saw him!"

"I was just looking for Silmarillion!" Haldir protested. 

"And you did this?" I asked. Now I was the one who wanted to poke his eyes out with a fork and have them for breakfast.

"I was desperate!" he muttered, shifting his foot.

"Why?" both me and Wumpa asked at the same time. 

"Uh... because I made a bet with Gimli about something, and I didn't want to lose."

"About what?"

"I can't tell."

I rolled my eyes. "You're on your own, elf", I said, turning around. "See you when you're done cleaning Wumpa's room."

"Willow", my sister bellowed.

"Will", I said with a shrug. "Don't be too hard on him", I added, feeling a sudden compassion towards the elf. 

"I won't." Wumpa grinned evilly. "I promise." I didn't like that grin, and neither did Haldir, judging by the desperate look he threw at me. But this was already out of my hands. I waved him good-bye, and then closed the door.

"What happened?" several voices asked once I got downstairs. "Where's Haldir?"

"He'll be... busy for a while", I said with a sigh. "So, anyone else finished yet?"

"Ahem. This is my line, thank you very much", Elrond interjected, standing up. "Has anyone else finished yet?"

"I'm almost done", Frodo said. "Just a few more lines..."

"Me too", Faramir said.

"All right then - we shall wait."

"And get a snack", Arwen said, getting up and heading for the kitchen.

"And get the Preciousss", Gollum hissed, with no connection to the subject.

Silence.

"Anyone wants to play strip poker...?" Boromir asked, as innocently as  possible.

Several elves glared at him.  Eowyn gave him a noogie and muttered, "Shut up."

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