The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Sabnach

Chapter 10: Pink! Purple! Pink! ...Aw, forget it, just go for blue, OK...?

"I'll start by saying", said Elrohir, "that this is a real fact, and that Arwen will probably kill me for what I am about to read..."

"I told you!" Haldir whispered, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "He's got a thing for Eowyn!"

"Shut up", a very annoyed Arwen cut in. "Elrohir, what are you up to...?"

"Well..." Elrohir swallowed, clearly unconfortable. "You'll see. Just don't get mad at me, OK?"

"Is it really that bad?" Boromir asked hopefully, rubbing his hands in anticipation. "Because if it is, I'll buy the drinks on your first date with Eowyn."

"What?" Arwen, Elladan and Elrond all said in unison. As for Eowyn, she just glared daggers at Boromir. Elrohir, on the other hand, blushed a little and coughed. "As I was saying..."

"I mean it! Really, I will! You just say when and where, and I'll talk to the bartender, and--"

"Boromir, shut up."

"...who are you to tell me to shut up?"

"Well, in case you didn't know, I'm a princess, and you're not!"

"Eowyn's a princess?" I whispered to Legolas. The elf shrugged, "No idea."

"She's bluffing", Haldir cut in. "Oh, this is so good!" Meanwhile, the dispute went on...

"And I'm a prince!"

"Really?" Legolas whispered to me. "I thought he was a stewart..."

"I'm an elf maiden!"

"I have a castle!"

"I have pointy ears!"

"I have a horn!"

"I'm immortal!"

"I have a sense of humor!"

"I have a flying broomstick!"

"I woke up this morning!"

"I met Mickey Mouse when I was five!"

"Guys, guys..." I cut in, standing up and placing myself between the two. "You're drifting away from the point!"

"Big time", Legolas added.

"Just read the story, Elrohir", Elrond said, throwing meaningful glares at Arwen and Boromir and doing his wild eyebrow dance thingy,  "and we will judge."

"All right then..." Elrohir sighed. "Here we go."

Pink! Purple! Pink! ...Aw, forget it, just go for blue, OK...?

It was a beautiful day: the sun was shining, the birds were singing, Arwen was screaming... Okay, so the day wasn't that beautiful. In fact, it wasn't beautiful at all. On the contrary - it was the worst day of my life.

"I can't find my lipstick!" my sister shouted, rummaging wildly through the pile various articles of make-up on her bed.

"And what am I supposed to do...?" I asked meekly. I knew better than to upset Arwen when she was like this. Come to think of it, she should have worn a T-shirt that said, 'Danger! Explosives!' or something like that.

"I don't know, look for it!"

"I already did", I said, pointing towards another pile of make-up articles laying on the floor. "Not there. And-" I pointed to a third, larger pile on the desk "-not there, either."

"And it's not here, either..." Arwen looked thoughtful for a second, and then her expression changed suddenly. "Elrohir..." she began in a sing-song voice, "...will you do something for me? Pretty please with cherries on top?"

"Eh...?" was the only answer I could think of. 'Run! Run away! Run away now!' a small voice at the back of my head was screaming, but Arwen was standing between me and the door, and the window was too high for me to jump through and hope to land safely... come to think of it, it was above a lake, but since I couldn't swim, the outcome of my jump would have been the same - death on the spot.

"Good! Now here's what I want you to do--"

"Hold on, I didn't say anything!" 

'Bad move, stupid!' the little voice in my head burst out, but it was already too late. Arwen was looking at me - no, staring at me like an orc nearing his prey. "What was that...?" she asked - or rather, hissed.

"Nothing?" I yelped, backing away. "So, what was it that you wanted me to do?"

"Well..." she resumed the sing-song voice "...could you pretty please run over to Ethalien's shop and buy me another one? I have a date with Ellessar at five, and I really, really need it!"

"Ellessar?" I repeated, dumbfolded. "That mortal guy who has a crush on you?"

"Yes, him! Please...?"

"But Ethalien's shop is at the other end of Rivendell forest!" I argued. "Why don't you just send me all the way to Mount Doom?"

"Because there are no cosmetics shops there!"

'Duh', I thought. Trust Arwen to misunderstand sarcasm. "Okay..." I said resignedly. What color do you want it to be?"

"Umm... let me think... pink. No, purple. No... wait... pink. Yep, pink. Definitely pink."

I looked at her warily, "Are you sure?"

"Yep. Absolutely. Pink. I mean, wait... no... still, wouldn't purple look nicer?"

"Whatever you say..." I muttered.

"Okay then, purple. I mean, no, pink. Purple. Pink..."

"For Elbereth's sake..."

"Sorry, I made up my mind now. Pink."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really really?"

"Really really."

I sighed, and then I exited and, taking Asfaloth from the stables (I sincerely hoped Glorfindel wouldn't mind, or else I was a dead elf), began my long journey to Ethaien's shop. It took me two full hours to get there, half an hour to make the buy, and another two hours to return to Rivendell. By the end of this time, I was dead tired, and so was Asfaloth. Finally, I made my way to Arwen's room and handed her the lipsick. Then, I collapsed on her bed.

"What's this?" she asked, eyeing the lipstick eerily."

"Pink lipstick, like you said", I breathed. All I wanted was to close my eyes and be no more...

"Pink? But I asked for purple!"

I jumped up, "No you didn't! You said pink!"

"Purple!"

"Pink!"

"Purple!"

"Aw, forget it!" I shouted. "Just go for the blue, OK?" With that, I stormed out of the room, leaving a very startled Arwen behind.

~ The End ~

"Wow!" Boromir burst out, as soon as Elrohir finished, seconded by everyone else except for Arwen. "That was awesome! Whoever said that elves don't have a sense of humor should be skinned and hanged by his toes from Isengard! You rule!"

"That was great", I said, shaking Elrohir's hand vigorously. "You really do have a talent for humor."

Elrohir nodded, "Thanks!"

"Legolas, what happened to the tip of your ears?" Haldir asked innocently.

The elf glared at him, "Whaddaya mean?"

"Whaddaya mean what do I mean?"

"I mean, whaddaya mean?"

"Well, why are they so red?"

"Shut up."

"Oh, I get it... Legolas is jealous!"

"Shut up!"

"Come on, just admit it! You're going steady!"

"Shut up", I cut in, sitting down between him and Legolas. "And... what if we are?" I asked after a second, more to myself than to Haldir. "It's my life, I can do whatever the heck I want... and so can he."

Haldir raised an eyebrow. "Hear, hear..." he said. Then, he turned his back on us and did some final retouches to his story. He was next.