LoK: Lifestyle
by Odeena Sabnach
Zephon: *heads for the door with the facial expression of someone who just found a bug in his soup, muttering* Stupid door. *mockingly* You're the only one not doing anything at the moment! And I'll tell Dad what you did to Vorador! *kicks a random object and sends it crashing into the wall* Daddy's pet! *growls* Stupid insurance agents. *opens the door* We don't want any, so get lost before I eviscerate you! *sees who it is* ...oh... *Anime sweat drop forms* Hello... err... can I... help you?
Umah: Yes, hi there. Is Vorador here?
Zephon: (I am SUCH an idiot!) Vorador? Umm, yeah, he's... just... inside... he's... babysitting... my... my brothers...
Umah: Really? How... cute.
Zephon: *nervous giggle*
Umah: Well, aren't you going to invite me in?
Zephon: (I think I'm in love...) What? Oh, yeah... sure... come... come right in...
Umah: ...Right. *follows Zephon to the living room*
Zephon: He's... he's right there, on... on the couch... *mentally slaps himself* (That was SO lame! Come on, Zephon, concentrate! You can form a coherent phrase and tell her how you feel! Okay, here goes...)
Umah: What the...
// During Zephon's brief absence, things have degenerated quite a bit. Now, Raziel and Turel are fighting over the Playstation controller, Dumah is chasing Melchiah with Cassandra the snake wrapped around his arm, Vorador is drooling on the couch, and Rahab is reading in a corner and trying to ignore everything else
Turel: Mine!
Raziel: No, mine!
Melchiah: Aaah! Get away from me!
Dumah: But she just wants to play!
Cassandra: Hiss-s-s!
Umah: I've seen many abnormal, degenerated or otherwise very wrong things in my life, but this beats everything.
Zephon: O_o
Umah: *sees Vorador* Dad! There you are!
Turel: *stops fighting and glares at Umah* Dad?! They never said that in the game...
Raziel: Who cares? The controller is mine! *fight resumes*
Vorador: *sees Umah* Oh... hi! *jumps up and tries to hide the magazine he'd been reading behind his back* What are you doing here?
Umah: *punches Vorador in the face*
// By the time, everyone else stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the two
Raziel: ...ouch.
Turel: I'll say. That's no way to treat your dad. If we were to do that...
Raziel: Yeah... *shudder*
Dumah: Vorador, is she your ex?
Vorador: *holding his jaw* Well, yes. I mean, no. She's my daughter.
Dumah: Oh.
Vorador: Anyway, what was that for?
Umah: Well, that was because we got evicted. Because of you! *tries to punch him again, but Vorador ducks and avoids it* Bills have been piling up for decades! *tries to punch him yet again* And I kept telling you! *this time, she manages to score a direct hit and sends Vorador crashing into the floor, face first* But did you move your lazy ass to do something about it? No!
Vorador: Mercy!
Umah: And that's not all! All your wives left you! After all, who would want to be married to a penniless green jerk?
Vorador: ...really?
Umah: Yes! And all your slaves left you as well!
Vorador: *lowed lip begins to tremble* It's true! I'm nothing but a lousy green looser! Waaaaah! * breaks down crying
Umah: Oh, come on, take it like a man!
Vorador: *cries louder*
Melchiah: *inches past Dumah and Cassandra and goes to pat Vorador on the back* Come on now, stop crying... it's okay...
Umah: Oh for pity's sake.
Zephon: You know... err... Umah... you two could... could... you know... stay with... with us if you... want... *chokes from emotion*
Umah: *looks down at him* Really? That's very sweet, but what will your father say?
Turel: Who, dad? Oh, he's a nice guy, he'll let you stay for sure!
Raziel: *to himself* ...not. *seizes the opportunity and yanks the controller from Turel*
Umah: Well, okay... I guess...
// Suddenly, Kain enters the room. For a strange reason, he's all covered in blood and gore and has a highly pissed off look on his face
Zephon: Uh-oh... *hides behind Umah*
Kain: Could someone - please - tell me what the devil is going on here?
Raziel: *quietly* Translation: tell me what's going on or I'll have you all hanging upside-down by your toes in a matter of seconds.
Turel: *also quietly* Yep... not good... not good at all... *sees that Raziel has the controller* Hey! Gimmie that! *yanks it from Raziel*
Melchiah: Zeph, I guess this is your call...
Kain: I'm waiting!
Zephon: *peeks around Umah's waist* Hi dad... listen... *quickly* Umah and Vorador have no place to stay, and they're both really nice, and Vorador gave me a hundred, and Umah is so pretty, and I thought it would be nice if we helped them so I asked them if they wanted to stay with us and they said OK and--
Kain: You - did - what?
Zephon: Yikes! *hides behind Umah again*
Turel: Oh for pity's sake, dad, have a heart! *Kain glares at him* Err... I mean... have a strong heart like you always do and decide what's best for everyone...?
Umah: I think Kain and I are going to sort this out. In private.
Vorador: *stops crying abruptly* He'll kill you again!
Umah: Wanna bet? *shows off her nails, which glow green and are much longer than they should be*
Vorador: What's that?
Umah: "All-Deadly Nail Polish" from Mortanius' Deadly Cosmetics Stuff. It cost me a fortune.
Kain: *gulps*
Vorador: All right, kids, let's get out of here before things get really messy.
Dumah: You mean, with cool action and slow-mo and blood and gore?
Vorador: Yes.
Dumah: I wanna watch!
Vorador: No you don't. *shoves all the kids into the kitchen and slams the door shut just as fighting between Kain and Umah ensures*
Rahab: *listening to the sounds of various crashes and thumps* I never thought I'd say this, but poor Dad...
Turel: He doesn't stand a chance.
Raziel: *sarcastically* You're breaking my heart.
~ To be continued ~