LoK: Lifestyle
by Odeena Sabnach
// Let's leave Kain and the others for a few moments and move our attention to the new home of the Circle of Nine. After returning from the so-called 'party', the nine Guardians resume their previous activity - unpacking. Sure enough, trouble arises momentarily...
Anacrothe: *very, very annoyed* All right, what's with all these boxes lying around? Boxes here, boxes there, boxes everywhere! I can hardly set foot anywhere! Do there really have to be so many boxes...?
Azimuth: Like, hold on, we're, like, working on that.
DeJoulle: *whispering, to Bane, who has yet to recover from the effects of Janos' whiskey/tea* Since when is Azimuth acting like a valley girl?
Bane: I think... *hic!* it's because she tripped over her robes... *hic!* and hit her head on the... *hic!* Pillar of Balance... *hic!* juse before we left.
DeJoulle: Right... So, that's why the Pillar of Balance looked so terrible!
Bane: Maybe... *hic!* My head hurts...
Moebius: Why are you two sitting there and doing nothing? Go on, help us unpack!
Bane: *hic!* Because... *hic!* we're drunk...
DeJoulle: *very offended* We?
Moebius: I don't care. Move your butt and help!
Bane: *sigh* Okay... *hic!* if we have to... *hic!*
// Meanwhile, in the house next door, it seems that things are finally settling down. Janos had gone upstairs with the demon kid, and Kain is now sitting in his favorite armchair and reading an older issue of 'Modern Muscle'. But some things are just too good to last...
Rahab: *from the basement* What the - [censored] ?!
Kain: *sigh* Here we go again...
Rahab: *storms in* Dad!
Kain: Yes, Turel?
Rahab: Um... I'm Rahab, not Turel...
Kain: Oh, sorry. What do you want?
Rahab: Who chewed my books?
Bear: *pokes his head in, chewing some crumpled papers* My tummy hurts...
Rahab: You! *tackles Bear and pushes him down the stairs to the basement*
Kain: *listens to the sounds of the ensuring fight for a few moments, and then shrugs and goes back to reading*
Umah: *comes in* Darling...?
Kain: *very, very annoyed* Yes...?
Umah: Listen, I was thinking of going to school and talking to the principal about having the kids back.
Kain: *to himself* Well, that would be a pointless waste of time... *loudly* That's an excellent idea, my dear.
Umah: ...But something came up, and I can't go any more.
Kain: *obviously not interested in the subject* Really? What?
Umah: Well... I forgot I had a hairdresser's appointment.
Kain: How sad, really.
Umah: So I was thinking...
Kain: *to himself* I know I'm not going to like this.
Umah: ...could you go instead?
Kain: Well... no.
Umah: *flares* What was that?
Kain: I mean, of course! How could I possibly say no?
Umah: Thank you, dear! *kisses him on the cheek and disappears*
Kain: *dramatically* I hate my unlife...
// Back to the Circle of Nine...
Moebius: *unexpectedly* My fellow guardians, may I have your attention please.
Mortanius: Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Moebius: ...what was that?
Mortanius: Sorry, it wasn't me, it was Hash.
Moebius: *arches an eyebrow* Hash...?
Mortanius: Yeah, Hash! You know him!
Moebius: Who the hell's Hash? ... wait ... Oh, right! Hash!
Azimuth: Like, who's Hash?
Moebius: *whispers* His imaginary friend...
Azimuth: Oh.
Moebius: *cough* Anyway... I have a very important announcement to make. After months of planning, I have finaly found a way to dispose of Kain and his brood, permanently!
Ariel: ...right. No offense, but I thought the last eighteen months of therapy had finally helped you get over that obsession...?
Moebius: Get over it? Never!!
Ariel: *sigh* Well, I knew it was too good to be true...
Moebius: *cough* As I was saying.. *holds up a vial* By using this potion I developed, which can turn back time--
Anacrothe: Ahem. You mean, a potion that I developed, maybe...?
Moebius: Yeah, that's what I said. Anyway, by using this potion, I'll turn them all into little toddlers, and then I'll send them in a cargo ship to Japan! Muahahahaha!
Nupraptor: You know... the only worse plan I've ever heard was Brain's 235th plan to take over the world.
Malek: ...You're watching 'Pinky and the Brain'?
Nupraptor: ...yes? What's wrong with that?
Malek: Nothing, *cough*looser*cough*
Ariel: Brilliant plan, Einstein. And how exactly do you plan to get them to take the potion?
Moebius: Not to worry. I have a plan! Muahahahahaha!
Everyone else but Ariel: Muahahahaha!
Ariel: *sigh* Oh, you guys are SO mentally unbalanced!