LoK: Lifestyle

by Odeena Sabnach

 ~ Chapter 15: The new neighbours ~

// The next morning...

Umah: *knocks on the door* Kids...? Wake up, it's time to go to school!

// No answer

Umah: I swear, of all the lazy, irresponsible... *knocks again* Kids, wake up! It's time for school!

// The door opens slightly, and a very grouchy-looking Raziel appears

Raziel: *sleepily* First of all, we're not kids, we're teenagers. Geez, you'd think you learned it by now... And second, we're too tired for school. So leave us alone. *slams the door*

Umah: O_o...

// The door opens again, and Zephon appears, looking no less grouchy

Zephon: *also sleepily* But if you give each of us a cup of coffee and a free issue of Playboy, we might consider it... *closes the door*

Umah: O_O...

// The door opens yet again, and Dumah and Cassandra appear

Cassandra: Hisss-s-s! *the door closes in Dumah's face*

Dumah: Ow!

Umah: @_o...

// The door opens one final time

Rahab: *looking very much like he's sleepwalking* And by the way, don't listen to Zephon, he's an idiot.

Zephon: *muffled, from inside* I am not an idiot! You are!

// The door closes

Umah: That's it! *bursts inside* You kids get up and get ready for school - NOW!

// And, from the force of the scream, all the windows shatter, except for a small piece of glass hanging by a little thread. The effect is immediate: all six 'kids' - except for Melchiah, who's still sleeping peacefully - jump out of bed, with results which would equal a natural cataclysm: Dumah lands on Raziel's foot, Rahab trips over one of Zephon's rollerskates and crashes into Turel, and Zephon trips over the carpet and goes crashing on the floor, face first.

Umah: If you're not ready in FIVE minutes, you kids will be in BIG trouble! *leaves*

Raziel: For the last time...

Turel: Oh, just drop it already. She won't get it, no matter how many times you say it. So you might as well save your breath.

Raziel: Whatever... *glares at Dumah* Get off my foot, will you?

Dumah: *absently* Why should I? It's your foot!

Raziel: *rolls eyes*

// By the time, Zephon managed to pull himself together enough to shake Melchiah's shoulder lightly

Zephon: *whispers sweetly* Oh, Melly...

Melchiah: Mm... what?

Zephon: WAKE UP!

Melchiah: Wha'? *jumps out of bed, trips over Zephon's other rollerskate and goes crashing through the window, breaking the last piece of glass in the process*

Zephon: Ooops...

// Eventually...

// All six lieutenants are dressed-up and ready for school. Well, in a matter of speaking, anyway. With the help of Janos' MAM guide and Turel's above-avegare magic skills, each one of them has made a personalized T-shirt and now wears it proudly. The T-shirts are as follows: Raziel's says 'I hate everybody', Turel's has a picture of Austin Powers on it, Dumah's is a horribly contorted rag with what's supposed to be Sandy's picture on it, Rahab's has Einstein's portrait on it, Zephon's says 'I love Umah', and Melchiah's says 'I love cheese' for no apparent reason.

Umah: Oh, it was about time! Now listen up. Here are the rules you must follow.

Zephon: Rules...? Oh, man... I hate rules!

Umah: No blood drinking, no blood letting, no fighting, no swearing, no playing pranks on the teacher or the other kids, no chewing gum during classes, no going into the girls' bathroom, no bullying, no fighting...

Raziel: *mutters* You said that already. And 'fighting' and 'bullying' are pretty much the same.

Rahab: Actually, they're not. You see, according to the dictionary... *goes on talking nonsense* 

Umah: ...no being disrespectful to the teacher, no blood drinking, no blood letting...

Raziel: *mutters* You said that before, too...

Umah: ...and, last, but not least, no fighting. Is that clear?

Raziel: *quietly uses MAM to change the text on his T-shirt to 'I hate Umah', a thing which 'mum' doesn't seem to notice or care about*

Umah: Now hurry up, you'll miss the school bus!

Dumah: Wait - don't we eat first?

Umah: You'll eat at school. Here's your lunch money. Now go! *shoves everybody out the door and slams it*

Raziel: *darkly, to himself* I hate that woman.

Zephon: *sigh* I love that woman.

Rahab: Talk about a difference of opinion... 

Raziel: Whatever... let's just go.

// And, as soon as the 'kids' are gone...

Kain: *pokes his head out of the kitchen door* Are they gone?

Umah: Yup.

Kain: Ah... at last. Time now for some peace and quiet.

// Yeah, right. Not! Suddenly, a loud scream is heard from upstairs. Seconds later, a very frightened Vorador tumbles down the stairs and lands on the floor in a heap.

Vorador: No! It will happen again! Kain! Save me! *embraces Kain's knees tightly* Don't let him get me! Please!

Kain: What - ack! - do you think you're doing? Get off me! *loses his balance* Ah! *falls to the floor* ...Great. Now I got dust bunnies in my hair.

Umah: Dust bunnies? Why, that's positively an outrage! Into the shower you go, mister! Now!

Kain: Uh... dear... vampires can't take showers. Water is supposed to be deadly to us, remember?

Umah: ...right. But you'll have to get those dust bunnies out nonetheless.

Vorador: Oh will you quit it about the stupid bunnies! He'll get me!

Kain & Umah: Who? Who will get you?

// But before Vorador can answer, there comes a loud knock on the door.

Umah: I'll get it! *darts to the door*

Kain: *sighs* Vorador...

Vorador: What?

Kain: I promisse that the - thing, whatever it is - won't get you.

Vorador: Thank you!

Kain: ...okay...

Vorador: ...

Kain: ...you can let go now.

Vorador: Oh. Sorry. *releases Kain*

// Meanwhile...

Umah: *opens the door* Hello, can I help you?

Moebius: Hello there. You don't know me. My friends and I just moved in next door. We were just about to make a cake to celebrate it, but we realized we have no sugar whatsoever. Could you give us some, please?

Umah: Why, of course! Do come in! What a nice old man you are!

Kain: *approaching* Darling? Who is it? *stops short* Moebius!

Moebius: Kain!