Beast Wars Go On TV!
by Odeena Sabnach
Director: Quiet! Quiet on the set! I said quiet!!! SHUT UP!!!! There... that's better. Now, as you all know, we are here to film a commercial for the McDonald's fast food chain...
Rhinox: *in low voice, to Optimus* I still don't understand why we're doing this.
Optimus: We need to raise some money for all that silly stuff you guys bought lately.
Rattrap: Well I don't think I have to remind ya dat 't was ol' Chopperface who bought 'bout five hundred pounds of steak...
Dinobot: Silence, mouse! As I must state the fact that Rattrap had sent a command for fifty pepperoni pizzas yesterday.
*Everybody looks at Rattrap*
Rattrap: *innocent* What? I didn't eat'em all by myself like Dinobutt here... *desperate* And... and... Cheetor bought a new stereo! *for himself* to drive me insane with all dat silly dance music...
Cheetor: *quickly* Black Arachnia bought an entire shopping mall!
Black Arachnia: It's a lie! I only bought a few little shops inside the mall.
*the Maximals start arguing about who spent the most*
Director: QUIET!! *trying to be calm* Can we begin now?
Optimus: Yeah, sorry 'bout that... *in low voice, to the others* BEHAVE! *loud* C'mon, let's get this show on the road!
*A few clicks later...*
Director: Okay, take one, action!
*The set shows a fully equipped laboratory. Rhinox is sitting in front of a computer console, Rattrap is holding a couple of test tubes and Black Arachnia is working at a small device*
Rattrap: *sigh* There! Just a few more adjustments, and my new super-speed formula will be complete! *thinks for a moment* Super-speed formula? Dat's stupid! Whose stinkin' idea was dat?!
Director: Cut! What the hell do you think you're doing?
Rattrap: *crosses his arms* I ain't gonna say dat and dat's final!
Dinobot: You better cooperate, mouse!
Rattrap: Oh yeah? Well you can just kiss my sweet pink...
Dinobot: Silence, vermin!
Rattrap: Dino-butt!
Dinobot: DIE!!!
*Dinobot starts chasing Rattrap around the studio, shooting at him with his eye-beams*
Optimus: Hey stop it!
*Somehow, Optimus and the others manage to restrain Dinobot*
Optimus: One more scene like that and you're in big trouble! Got that? *to director* Please excuse them, they're...
Director: Whatever, can we go on now?
Everyone: Okay!
Rattrap: But... but... I don't want no stinkin' super-speed formula! Let's make it... say... some kind of zero-friction fluid! New and improved!
Optimus: *rolls eyes* Whatever.
Director: Take two, action!
Rattrap: *like before* There! Just a few more adjustments and my new zero-friction fluid will be complete!
Rhinox: I'm done upgrading Sentinel's targeting systems...
Black Arachnia: And my signature-jamming device is ready! That comes to prove, one more time, how smart I am compared to...
Director: Cut! That's not in the script.
Black Arachnia: So I was improvising a little bit, big deal.
Rattrap: *to Rhinox* Dat was da worst improvisation I've ever heard...
Silverbolt: Sir, you insult my lady's honour, prepare to die!
*Silverbolt shoots one of his missiles at Rattrap, bit misses and hits Rhinox instead. Rhinox pulls out his machine guns and shoots Silverbolt, who has to be put in a CR chamber*
*Later, after Silverbolt is fixed*
Director: *exasperated* Let's try this again, but try not to shoot anybody this time, OK?
Everyone: OK!
Rattrap: *same game* There! Just a few more... *accidentally pours a drop of red liquid into a test tube full of green goo*
*KABOOM!*
*It starts raining tiny Rattrap bits everywhere!*
Rhinox: No! Rattrap! *to director* You! You'll pay for this!
*Rhinox starts shooting at Director. Optimus tries to protect Director and shoots Rhinox, who goes into stasis lock*
Optimus: Good. Now let's get them into a CR tank, shall we?
*Later on...*
Rattrap: *again* There! Just a few more adjustments, and my new zero-friction fluid will be complete!
Rhinox: I'm done upgrading Sentinel's targeting systems...
Black Arachnia: *after taking a quick glance at the prompter* And I finished my signature-jamming device.
Rattrap: Man... all dis workin' stuff has made me hungry. Watcha say we go out and have some lunch?
Black Arachnia: Good idea, let's go!
Cheetor: *barges in, having a desperate look on his face* Guys! Bad news! They shut down our diner!
Rhinox: Oh, no!
Black Arachnia: What are we supposed to eat now?
Rattrap: We're all gonna DIE!
Rhinox: Wait! Perhaps there's still hope...
*Some corny music starts playing*
Cheesy voice: Feeling hungry? We're here for you!
*The others enter the set, wearing Big Mac and Happy Meal outfits*
Everyone: Eat at McDonald's!
*Corny ending music*
Director: Cut! That was absolutely superb! I'm gonna be famous!
Optimus: *hopeful* So then we're getting paid?
Director: Um... let me think. NO! You are the worst mob of losers I have ever seen! You've wrecked my studio and killed half of my crew! You should be happy I'm not suing you! Now GET OUT! OUT!! OUT!!!
Optimus: Okay, okay, we're leavin'...
Rattrap: Just a minute, I must go to... ahem, to da bathroom...
*A few cycles later, outside the studio, the maximals are desperately trying to fit into Tigatron's truck*
Rattrap: *takes something out of his pocket* Hey, lookie at what I found! A detonator... *pushes the big, red button* Oops...
*Studio blows up, then Director's head lands on the windshield*
Director's head: I HATE YOU ALL!!!
Rattrap: Can it, will ya? *shoots Director's head* So whereto, fearless leader?
Optimus: *takes out a paper with some red-circled announces* Hmm, it seems they need some models for the latest beachwear collection...
Cheetor: Beachwear? We're there!
*The image fades out and the ending screen comes up. This is it, folks, I hope you enjoyed the...*
Megatron: No fair, I want a line too! WAAAAAA!!! *starts crying*
*Transmutate hands Megs a piece of paper*
Megatron: *reading* Let's see now... The end?! Uh man... this sucks.