Doommates

by Odeena Sabnach

Mmm… sleep…

I curled up in a ball around the sheets and sighed. A thin strip of light was dancing in the window glass, which meant it was morning already. Hmm… no need to get up yet. After all, for once, everything was as it should have been. Peace and quiet. Yup. Life was good.

"ROOOAR!!"

"Choooperfaaaaaace!!!"

*CRASH!*

"And STAY out, vermin!"

Oh, yeah. Silly me. Peace, quiet and the Beast Warriors simply don't mix.

"Rattrap! You okay?"

That was Optimus Primal's voice. And he was supposed to prevent that from happening! Op-Op and I were going to have a LONG talk today.

"No I'm not. But Chopperface is gonna be MUCH worse after I'm through with him!"

*SLAM!*

That must've been the front door. Angry footsteps followed, then some voices began to argue. I could tell Optimus, Rattrap and supposedly Megatron. Great. And it had been SO nice just moments before…

Now there were footsteps going up the stairs. There was a firm knock on the door, then it cracked open and Megatron rushed in.

"Do I want to know?"

Dumb question really.

"No. No you don't."

I sighed. That did NOT sound reassuring. Nooo.

The second floor corridor was crowded alright. Optimus was restraining Rattrap, Terrosaur and Cheetor were talking a few steps away, Skorpinok was trying to open the door to Rattrap and Dinobot's room, Rampage and Quickstrike were throwing curious glances through the cracked door to their room, and Waspinator was kinda just buzzing around as usual.

"Let me try." I showed Skorpinok aside and tried to open the door. Locked.

"Go AWAY, vermin."

Ooo, BAD thing to say, Dinobot! "Last time I checked, I was no vermin, Chopperface. Now I advise you open this door now, and MAYBE I won't hurt you."

The next moment, the door jerked open. Dinobot was clearly not in a good mood. He had his arms crossed, and he still had some obvious traces of make-up on his face. I couldn't help chuckling, when suddenly…

Oh. Dear. Primus.

The ENTIRE window was practically turned into tiny little shreds of glass and metal. That, plus the room was in a terrible mess. This was BAD.

"Dinobot. What. Happened."

He snarled. "The vermin insulted me."

Behind me, Rattrap made a sick growl. "It was supposedto be a compliment, Scale-Belly."

"He called me a b*tch!"

"An' remember who started da whole thing? As in, who tried to SLAGGIN' COOK ME IN THE MICROWAVE?"

"That's ENOUGH!"

I tried to calm down. "Listen up, you two. I expect this window to be fixed by midnight. Nice and clean. Not a trace that it was ever broken or anything. I don't care HOW you do it. But if you don't-you'll be watching so much Barney you'll be begging Rampage to kill you in the slowest and most painful way possible."

Rampage beamed. "Really?"

"Really. Is that clear?"

They both gulped, and I turned to Black Arachnia. "So, what's for breakfast?"

I was laying on the couch lazily, one hand on the remote, the other one barely sweeping the floor. On the VCR, 'Titanic' was almost over. Now it came to that scene when the Titanic broke in half. I've seen Titanic about seven or eight times by now, but heck, I love that junk. Optimus had taken the Maxis out in town, and Megs, the Predacons and Cheetor headed for the fair a few miles out of town. Rampage and Depth Charge went for a swim, and I gave the two VERY clear instructions on how to behave. I must say, the threat that they would watch the Teletubbies for one whole week otherwise made them both really willing to obey my orders. Rattrap and Dinobot were working on the window upstairs. Man, I just loved the universe.

*CLANG*

"My Queeeeeeeeeen!!!!"

Yeah. Right. And I just KNEW having Inferno guard the two had been a bad idea!

"What was that?"

That was Air Razor coming out of the kitchen, all covered in flour, with Black Arachnia right behind.

"Three guesses." I sighed and rubbed my temples. Oh, painkillers, where art thou? "I better go up there and cool things down before anything else can happen."

"Not alone you don't. We're coming too."

"Mmm… okay."

Not that I really needed backup. I mean, Rattrap and Dinobot were unarmed, and Inferno was supposedly still with them, right? Riiiiight.

"So, whatcha making?"

Air Razor smiled. "Upside-down cake. I found the recipe in one of those old cooking books in the kitchen."

"And what happened to-"

"Oh, nothing much. Black Arachnia sneezed right in the flour bowl, so there you have it. Somebody call the Ghostbusters."

"I see. But who needs the Ghostbusters? We could just as well get-HOLD IT."

What appeared to be Inferno's head rolled past us and down the stairs.

"My Queen…" he tried pathetically.

Oh no. No, no, no.

Unarmed and harmless. Yeah, right. And I was the president of the United States.

"Rattrap! Dinobot! GET YOUR PATHETIC SKIDPLATES OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!!"

Three, two, one.

"Yes?"

"What is it sista'?"

"Well. In case you didn't notice, Inferno lays around in itty-bitty pieces. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that now, would you."

Dinobot looked aside. "He… was starting to annoy me."

"Annoy?! Dat's da least ya could say! He screamed in our audios non-stop an' he says he was just annoyinghim. Better to say, he was pissin' us off to death!"

"Believe me, I know Inferno could have that affect, but that's no excuse for you two to do that."

Silence.

"Well...?"

"Sorry", they both echoed together.

"Apology accepted. How's the work coming?"

"I'd say we're about half done."

"Wait a nano. Where did you two get the replacement glass from?" Black Arachnia inquired.

Rattrap whistled innocently. Dinobot was intently staring at the ceiling.

"Okay you two-"

"Hold on. Ya said ya want it done no matterwhat we do for it. Besides, it was Scale-Belly's idea."

"ROAR!"

"Okay, okay… you two just get back to work. Black Arachnia, Air Razor, help me salvage Inferno. And remember you two: NO MORE SCENES!"

Why did I get the feeling I was wasting my time? Anyway, the two went back to work, grumbling all the way, and we started gathering the Inferno pieces scattered all around the floor. What fun… not. I mean, how would youlike to hear phrases like 'Hey, isn't this a part of his torso?' or 'I'll bet you won't guess where this came from' about half a finger.

Ooookay About half an hour later, we were finally dragging the huge pile of Inferno bodyparts down the stairs, when suddenly-

"Hey, do you smell anything?"

Air Razor shrugged. "No, why?"

"I could swear something is burning nearby…"

"Oh, NO!"

Air Razor and Black Arachnia rushed down the stairs, dropping their loads (which landed straight on my foot-ouch). I dug my way out of the pile of junk and followed them, finding that a thick smoke was already starting to spread around in the living room. Someone was screaming.

I had an odd feeling of deja vu…

"Heeeelp meee!!!"

Oh great. Here we go again.

"Now what happened?"

I glared around the room. "And where's Rattrap?"

Dinobot looked back at me with an innocent expression. Well, as innocent as he could, considering he's a raptor. "I don't know."

Okay, so for once, those two had actually gotten something right. The window was as solid as solid can be. So solid it could even hold a heavy load. Specifically, Rattrap. In his beast mode and hanging outside by the tail. And with a pathetic expression on his face.

I didn't want to know.

"Dinobot?"

The raptor 'bot turned from the mirror where he was desperately trying to wipe off the last trails of make-up. "Be thankful I didn't bite his head off", he snarled.

"Um… okay, but I'm sure he's had enough by now. Could you get him down… er, without damaging anything?"

"Of course I can."

He walked over to the window and snapped the bonds that held Rattrap. The next instant, the rat fell to the ground with a desperate scream.

I lost my jaw.

Dinobot looked at me sweetly. "You did ask me to get him down, did you not?"

"Yeah. Okay, bye now."

I exited slowly. Once outside, I sighed. This just wasn't my day.

Time to drag Rattrap to the CR chamber…

"So, tell me again why we're eating here?"

Depth Charge threw me an inquiring glance. He clearly wasn't enjoying himself, and the fact that Rampage was literary devouring a fried manta ray right under his nose did nothing to improve his mood.

"Um, it's the only place to where we could afford-"

"Forget that. Why didn't we stay at home as we were supposed to?"

"Well, why don't you ask Tom and Jerry over there?" I chirped, pointing across the table to Rattrap and Dinobot.

If looks could kill… then our two 'irascible 'bots' would've been dead ten times by now. Megatron was going to make a remark on this, when suddenly Inferno burst in.

"Where is my Queeeeen?" He looked around and suddenly he beamed. "Royalty! I thought you had left me!"

The other people were staring at me. I HATE it when people stare at me. Fortunately for me, Terrosaur was there.

"What are you all looking at?" he shouted, standing up. He was at least six feet tall, and the other people instantly turned back to eating their stuff or whatever. Terrosaur sat back down with a satisfied grin, and I smiled back.

"Inferno! I'm glad to see you've repaired yourself."

"Thank you, my Queen". He saluted. Then he pointed towards Rattrap and Dinobot. "They are traitors of the Colony! They must be eradicated!"

"Cool your circuits, Blender-Butt. They apologized, got their work done, and everything is alright now."

"But-"

"Inferno, as your Queen, I commandyou to cool down."

His doubt immediately fled, and he saluted again. "As you command, my Queen."

Hey, I could really get used to this. Yeees. (Did you notice that I'm starting to sound like Megatron?)

"So, those two actually did something right."

I raised my looks from the cards I was holding. "Uh-huh. Gimme three."

Megatron smirked. "I will take one."

From across the table, Terrosaur made me an imperceptible sign and said, "I'll take five."

"And I need two… here you go."

Black Arachnia was the poker dealer.

"And what's with that imprint right in front of the entrance? I bet five."

"I raise ten. And you don't want to know."

"I raise 25."

"Slag. I'm out."

Terrosaur grinned. "Another time, legs."

Silverbolt turned from rummaging through the fridge to babble something about insulting his lady's honor. Nobody seemed to mind him.

"Okay, boys, I raise ten more."

Megatron made a face. "I drop."

"Happy landing. And I raise five."

Black Arachnia glanced over Terrosaur's shoulder and her eyes widened. Baaaad news. "Whatcha got?"

"You first."

"Okay… I got four queens."

Inferno, who was just walking in, immediately caught the idea. "You cannot have four queens! There is only one true queen!"

I rolled my eyes. "So…?"

"I have a royal flush. You loose."

"Drat. Note to self: never EVER bet against you again. You're Mr. Luck in person!"

He smiled as he dealt again. "Well, to make it up to you, I could take you out to a movie or something."

"Um… sure, why not?"

HOLD IT! Was Terrosaur actually asking me out? Whoa, now there was something new… Rampage is one DEAD crab cake.

Megatron opened his mouth to comment, when suddenly a terrible noise burst through the closed door to the living room. Cheering, laughing, screaming-all together.

Megatron beamed up. "Maximal insubordination, yeees? How about I-"

"How about you don't?" I rushed for the living-room door and burst in.

What was going on? Rattrap and Dinobot. Need I say more?

The two were fighting on the floor. The others were either cheering, trying to break the fight or laughing their heads off. Prime.

Hmm. What to do, what to do… oh yeah. I took in a deep breath-and then…

"QUIET!!!"

Works every time. Everybody froze in their tracks.

"Alright you two. I've had just about ENOUGH of this. Either solve your problems, or you'll be finding yourselves on the was home ASAP." Rattrap tried to say something, but I went on. "I don't care WHO started it. This ends right now, understand? No. More. Fighting. Ever. Got it?"

"But-"

"Got it?"

*Gulp* "Uh-huh…"

"Good. Now, I have an excellent idea on how to spend our evening. Who wants to watch 'Matrix'?"

That's right. Everyone does. Three cheers for my cousin's video collection. Now, where's that popcorn, hmm?…

"Hey Chopperface, pass up da popcorn, will you?"

"And what if I won't, vermin?"

"Now, Dinobot. Share with Rattrap."

Snarl. "Rattrap is the last person I would share anything with."

"Oh, okay. Here, you can have some from me. The movie's almost over, anyway."

The credits began to roll, and everyone got up from on/near/above the couch.

"Ooookay, you guys, it's-" I checked my watch "-pretty late, so I guess it's nap time."

Cheetor yawned. "For once, Ody, you get absolutely NO arguments from me. I'm beat."

"Grr. Stop calling me that."

"Oops. Sorry."

Most of the Beast Warriors were already on their way up. Hmm…

"Rattrap! Dinobot! Hold it!"

"Now what'd we do?"

Do I need to say that was Rattrap?

"It's not about what you did. It's about what you could do. I won't take any more chances with you to, so I made a decision. Guys, I'm moving in."

They instantly lost their jaws.

"What…?" Rattrap managed to gasp.

"I said, I'm moving in with you two. You're two dangerous to be left on your own. Now, who wants to help me carry an extra bunk upstairs?"

I laid my head on the pillow and smiled nicely at the other two 'bots in the room. "Good night, boys!"

Rattrap grinned back. Dinobot's snarl could have meant anything, from 'good night' to 'I hate you'. Right now I didn't really care.

Something at the back of my mind insisted that I made a very stupid decision, but I definitely had no intention of risking another 'incident' like the one this morning. Besides, it wasn't that bad-

-until Dinobot started snoring. Oh yeah, this was gonna be a looong night.