Romance Wars!

by Odeena Skywalker

Okay. The Area was beginning to look... normal. No conflicts, no pranks--BORING! So Rattrap, Serena, Thaliana, Alkari and I came up with this little plan to spice things up. But things got out of hand...

~

Across the room, Rattrap's grin widened even more. "So Blender-Butt's inta dis to."

"Uh-huh." I chuckled. This was gonna be SO cool!

Alkari flinched. "Uh... guys? I thing we should keep Inferno out of this. What if things get too serious?"

"No way! Inferno's the main course on this!" Thaliana shouted.

"I second that!"

"Me too!"

Whoa, hold on, Serena and I actually AGREED on something? Now there was a once-in-a-lifetime.

"So, Inferno's inta dis, too..." Rattrap giggled. "Who else?"

"Hmm." Thaliana frowned. "This could be the perfect opportunity to get back at Dinobot for that scene yesterday..."

"Dinobot who?" Rattrap and I chorused together.

"Dinobot classic."

"Great! So Dinobot's into this, too... Man, this is gonna be FUN!"

Thaliana beamed. "This should be... interesting..."

We all chuckled evilly.

~

You all remember Sm!le, right? That's right, my very own alternative to the evil Microsoft Windows. Aside from all sorts of stuff, from fancy text editors to 3D animation and much more, you'll find a cool e-mail client: <you>@area31.cool. As expected, everyone had a CoolMa!l address. And Rattrap was the best hacker around...

~

The same evening, Silverbolt received this mail:

'Dear Silverbolt,

I never had he heart to tell you before, but over the past weeks I've come to realize something very important. I love you. I always had, and always will. Please, don't break my heart.

Air Razor'

~

Air Razor also received a mail:

'My lady,

You are as welcome as moonlight, as awaited as the sun, rising from the horizon in a bath of flames that set my heart on fire, just for you.

Silverbolt'

~

Black Arachnia 'sent' Tigatron something short and to the point:

'Dear Stripes,

I simply love you.

Black Arachnia.'

~

Tigatron was the romantic one...

'My lady,

I love you as the night sky loves the moon, as the flower loves the butterfly, as the ocean loves the waves.

Tigatron.'

~

All letters had been written and sent by Rattrap, with a little help from me here and there. Thaliana and Alkari, on the other hand, had their own thing going on.

~

'Dear Dinobot,

Yesterday, I have realized something of great importance. Megatron is not the Royalty, but an impostor. I have decided to join your fight against him and become a Maximal as well.

Um... by the way, what do you think of me? I mean... err, there's something I need to tell you. I love you. Will you marry me?

Lots of love, Inferno.'

~

'Listen, Predacon. I propose to you an alliance, against Maximal and Predacon alike. Do not tell Megatron. And... there is something you must know. I'm actually a female, and I love you.

Dinobot'

~

I choked. "What...? Inferno and Dinobot?"

Thaliana was hyper. "Hehe, it's payback time!"

Alkari flinched. "Yeah. Sure. And what's gonna happen when he realizes it's all a prank?"

"Um.. don't you things you guys went a little too far this time?"

"Of course not! They both deserve it!"

"Dinobot ain't stupid. He'll know it's a prank from the first moment."

"Yeah, but imagine the look on his face..." Thaliana laughed evilly. "Oh, yeah. Priceless."

"Sure... Okay, I'll be gone now. Bye!"

~

The next morning, at breakfast, Black Arachnia looked thoughtful. She gave me an absent nod at my enthusiastic 'Good morning', and then she sat down and ate quietly. Tigatron kept his distance from both Black Arachnia and Air Razor. Air Razor was as sweet and innocent as always. Dinobot and TM2 Dinobot were talking and chuckling from time to time. Inferno was even more willing to serve his 'Queen'.

As for Silverbolt, he was stuck in the elevator.

~

As the evening drew closer, the repplies started to pour in...

~

'Er... Silverbolt, I really think you look good with Black Arachnia. Let's just leave it all like that, okay? Sincerely, Air Razor.'

~

'Okay, spider, what is this? If it's a joke, then it's a really bad one. And if it isn't... I strongly suggest intensive therapy. Tigatron.'

~

'Listen, pussy cat. You're fun to mess with, true, but in case you hadn't noticed yet, I already love Silverbolt. Try someone else! I'm sure Air Razor is available! Black Arachnia'

~

'Um... can anyone help me? I've been stuck in the elevator for a while now... Please? Silverbolt'

~

You are a sick maniac. You should be thankful I am not exposing you to the rest of our comrades. And about you obeying me instead of Megatron, I would rather stick my head into the lava. Dinobot.'

~

'I could never fall in love with an enemy of the Colony! Whoever threatens the Royalty shall BURRRNNN!!! Inferno'

~

And after a few moments, on the #area31 chat channel...

~

'What in the Pit are you talking about, you stupid cat? I never said anything to you in the past week! You're pathetic!'

'You're sick, spider. SICK!'

'FALL IN LOVE?! Did Megatron screw your neuro circuitry?! We're both MALE, you stupid drone!'

'Sure. Okay. Everyone plays tricks on the lady. Yeesh, you all make me SICK. And Silverbolt, go shoot yourself.'

'I do not know what you are talking about, traitor. You shall BURRRNNN!!!'

'Um... I'm still in the elevator...'

'What are you guys talking about? I received a weird e-mail yesterday from Tigatron, and he said he loved me.'

'Silverbolt told me the same thing!'

'What are you talking about...? I never wrote anything to Black Arachnia! SHE told me she loves me!'

'The traitor is a female!'

'I did NOT!'

'HELP ME ALREADY, I'VE GOT CLAUSTROPHOBIA!!'

'Dinobot is WHAT?!'

'I will bite your useless head off, drone!!'

'Hang on, Bowser, I'll be right with you.'

'Alright you guys, calm down. Clearly, no-one wrote anything to no-one. Which means--'

'I got the point. But WHO?'

'Beloved, there is something I must tell you. Another loves me.'

'I lay my bets on Thaliana.'

'I bet on Rattrap'

'It's a prank, stupid.'

'Alright, this is a very bad prank. You shouldn't play with people's hearts like that.'

'You said it, Stripes.'

'A prank? I knew it! Now can someone tell Dua? I bet she can fix this thing so I could get out...'

'Your jabbering makes me sick! We must find the ones responsible for this--and TERMINATE them.'

'I'm usually a non-violent person, but I'm in.'

'Me too.'

'Me thr--hold on, I've got incoming mail.'

'So do I.'

'Me too. Odd...'

~

'Dear suckers.

I proudly inform you dat you had fallen to da twisted immagination of da Dark Renegades. I can't believe y'all fell for it! 'Specially ya, Legs. Hehehehehe!!'

Thank ya for providin' such worthy entertainment.

~

An hour after, Rattrap was in the CR chamber, badly damaged. Dinobot and Inferno were currently repairing themselves inside two other CR tanks, while Rhinox was desperately trying to keep them inside. Thaliana and Alkari had fled to the spooky Level 35 at the first sign of trouble. Serena had set her hideout under her bed. As for me, I just activated my cloaking field generator. Of course, when Dinobot smelled me out, I had to flee for dear life...

~

Oddly enough, a few days afer, I received this mail.

'Nice going with those guys. Your prank was awesome! But this is not a joke. Someone really likes you. Come to the main gate at midnight to see who.

A friend.'

Did I go?

Sure I did!

But I made sure my cloaking field generator was on. Standing next to the door, was TM2 Dinobot. My cloaking field was no match for his infrared scanner.

"So, you are the one that adores me."

I chocked. "Say... what?"

"I had received a mail a few hours ago telling that someone 'adores' me. The sender had wanted me to come here and meet that someone."

"Well, the same guy told me that I should come here and meet someone who likes me."

Before any of us could continue, a golden form emerged from behind a boulder.

"He he, gotcha'!" Cheetor shouted victoriously. "You guys are SO easy!"

TM2 Dinobot snarled and drew out his talons. I powered my optic lasers.

Cheetor flinched.

"What...?"