Author's note: One thing I absolutely hated about BM - it was way too corny for my liking. This fic is based on that fanous last speech Optimus held before the final battle after which Megs falls into the green goop and... you know what happens next. Legal stuff - HASBRO owns Beast War... err, Machines, and I hate Bob Skir. Any questions or comments you have... you know what to do, dont'cha :)

BM Optimus and the Terrible Speech

by Odeena Sabnach

*Fade in: battle scene, the mega-head lying on the ground with shields around, thousands of drones closing in, blahy blahy blah blah...*

Optimus: Listen to me, Maximals--

Black Arachnia: Ahem.

Optimus: ...what?

Black Arachnia: I still consider myself a Predacon. I only became a Maximal because I had no choice, remember?

Optimus: *sigh* Very well, my fellow Maximals--and Predacon--

Black Arachnia: Ahem.

Optimus: *rolls eyes* WHAT??!

Black Arachnia: Lady Predacon.

Optimus: Whatever, lady Predacon. The fate of Cybertron--

Rattrap: *whispering* Not ta mention our sorry skidplates.

Silverbolt: *pokes him over the head*

Rattrap: Ahm, I mean, not to consider our own fate.

Optimus: Shut up Rat... err, silence, Rattrap.

Cheetor: *scowls* Listen to him, Rat!

Optimus: ...lies within our hands here, today.

Nightscream: *whispering, to Botanica* Which reminds me, what day is it today?

Botanica: Well, it's--OH MY GOD! IT'S NIGHTSCREAM'S BIRTHDAY!

Rattrap: Wohoo, party!!!

Silverbolt: Happy birthday to youuu... *starts singing*

Optimus: Ahem.

*Silence. Silverbolt freezes with his jaw hanging, Rattrap, Botanica, Black Arachnia and Nightscream are parting from their collective hug and Cheetor frowns dissapprovingly*

Optimus: *goes on with his silly speech* I cannot think of anyone else I'd rather stand beside--

Rattrap: *faint* Not that he could think of anything at all.

Nightscream: *chuckles*

Cheetor: Ssh!

Optimus: ...some of you have fought besides me since the beginning of the Beast Wars, others, I have yet to know.

Silverbolt: You forgot those who came in the middle, Optimus.

Black Arachnia: Yeah, and those who fought against you at first.

Nightscream: And the survivors.

Botanica: And Bob Marley.

Cheetor: *involontarely* And Santa Claus.

Rattrap: *coughs* Looser.

Optimus: People...

*Everyone gives him blank stares*

Optimus: Uhm, I mean, my comrades...

Drone #1: Are you done with this already? We're bored out of our minds here!

Drone #2: Yeah, give it a rest already!

Drone #3: You suck!

Rattrap: Point!!

Nightscream: I second that!

Black Arachnia: Looser!

Optimus: ...oh yeah? *frowns* Well that's it then, I give up. *teleports away*

Cheetor: Hey, that wasn't--heck with it, I hear it's Nightscream's birthday?

Nightscream: Yeah.

Cheetor: Happy birthday bro'! *hugs him*

Nightscream: Alright everyone, who want to come to my birthday party?

Everyone: Meee! *cheers*

~

Megatron: It's not fair, nooo. Just because I'm stuck in this pityful body amd I'm supposed to act like some psyco megalomaniac who would wipe off an entire planet just for his personal sake - which I'm NOT - I didn't get to say a single line here! What happened to *my* last speech? It's not fair I tell you! I hate Bob Skir! They even took away my Ducky! Waaaah!!! *breaks down crying*

-THE END-