BLEACH: CHARACTER INTERVIEWS

by Odeena Sabnach

ICHIGO

*Note: Aki is my Japanese nickname.

Aki: First off, could you kindly introduce yourself, please?
Ichigo: Why should I? I mean, you already know me, so what's the point?
Aki: Yes, but some of our readers don't.
Ichigo: How come? I'm the one who saved the world from that gigantic what-was-its-name, they should all know me.
Aki: *rolls eyes* Humour me.
Ichigo: Fine, fine... Kurosaki Ichigo, 9th grade high school student and Shinigami substitute. Happy?
Aki: ...Yes. Now, for the first question--
Ichigo: I thought this was the first question.
Aki: Well, it wasn't.
Ichigo: But it was a question nonetheless, right?
Aki: *sigh* Ichigo...
Ichigo: Fine... On with the - eh - first question, right?


Aki: *rolls eyes* So. If the world were ending tomorrow, how would you spend your final hours?
Ichigo: I'd stop the world from ending, of course! It may be crappy at times, but it's the only world we've got, so why let it end?
Aki: Still, if you *didn't* have the power to stop the world from ending, how would you spend your final hours?
Ichigo: *blinks*
Kon: *from somewehere in the background* Forget it. Such a tiny brain just can't grasp such a large-scale concept.
Ichigo: *growls* I heard that.


Aki: What's the one thing in the world that you're most afraid of?
Ichigo: *ponders* Well, apart from the freaky undead guy with scary eyes, I'd have to say... ants.
Aki: *blinks* ...ants?
Ichigo: Yeah, ants. I'm afraid of ants. Something wrong with that?
Aki: Why in the world would anyone be afraid of *ants*, of all things?
Ichigo: Because they're scary! *mutters* They've got legs...


Aki: If you were to be sent to a deserted island for thirty days and were allowed to take only three things with you, which things would you choose?
Ichigo: Why would I have to be sent to a deserted island? Would that be some kind of training or something?
Aki: Ichigo - work with me here, will you?
Ichigo: I will if you call me Shinigami-sama and bow to me three hundred times.
Aki: Oh, *please*... do I really have to do that?
Ichigo: *grins* Nope, just teasing you. Well, first thing would be... a pair of slippers.
Aki: ...eh?
Ichigo: To crush the ants.
Aki: ...eh?
Ichigo: You know, islands have palm trees and palm trees have ants. I need the slippers to crush the ants.
Aki: ...
Ichigo: Second would be Ishida's glasses. Imagine the dork having to do without them for a full month *grins evilly*
Aki: ...I'm afraid to ask what the third would be.
Ichigo: Third would be a sandwich.
Aki: *blankly* A... sandwich.
Ichigo: Yeah. To use it as ant bait so I could crush them more easily. *ponders* Or maybe I could set them on fire with Ishida's glasses...


Aki: o_0 Moving on... How did your life change after you became a shinigami?
Ichigo: Well, apart from getting slashed, cut, bruised, torn and half-killed every once in a while, I can't say that my life changed much. I still go to school, I still hang out with my friends and I still have to take Yuzu to her ballet lessons twice a week.
Aki: *giggles* Does that mean that *you're* taking ballet lessons as well?
Ichigo: Well, I - hey, hold on a minute!


Aki: *giggles some more* Sorry about that... What's the hardest thing about being a shinigami?
Ichigo: Apart from the slashing, cutting and all the stuff I mentioned before, there's the issue of the clothes. I mean, the stuff I wear looks so much like a dress that it's downright embarassing at time.
Aki: Really? It looks more like a kimono to me.
Ichigo: Same thing. Men just don't wear these things any more. Someone should really talk some fashion sense into the Gotei 13. They've got cellphones and yet they dress like who knows how long ago.
Aki: Well, I definitely can't argue with that *sniggers*


Aki: Which was the hardest battle you've ever fought?
Ichigo: My hardest battle? It has to be talking Ishida out of cosplaying as Aya fron Tenjho Tenge. There was this fancy dress ball and the dork was really into dressing like that.
Aki: Wait... is that a battle?
Ichigo: *superiourly* Why, yes! It was a battle of wits! Man to man! Brain to brain!
Aki: *flatly* So, did you win in the end?
Ichigo: Somewhat... He didn't cosplay like Aya, but he went to the fancy ball wearing a kilt.
Aki: *jawdrop*
Ichigo: Yeah, that's what I did, too.


Aki: What's the one thing in the world you would never consent to do, no matter what?
Ichigo: The one thing in the world I would never consent to do? *frowns* ...that would be that stupid 'Boo-ha-ha' routine of you-know-who.
Aki: You-know-who? Why don't you say his name out loud?
Ichigo: *whispers* Because as soon as you say his name aloud, he'll show up and permanently screw up your day.
Aki: I don't believe that. You're not going to tell me that Don Kan'on'ji is--
Don Kan'on'ji: *pops out of nowhere* Spirits are always with YOU! Boo-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Random audience: Boo-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ichigo: ...I hate my life.


Aki: On to more personal stuff. When was the last time you cried?
Ichigo: ...I'm a guy. Guys never cry.
Aki: Come on, we both know that's just an abstract statement. So, when was the last time you--
Ichigo: You know, my Zangetsu is getting really anxious to meet you. Could you spare a second to say hello?
Aki: *cringes* ...I got the point.
Ichigo: *smirks* Thought so.


Aki: Who's the person that's closest to you?
Ichigo: That's a hard one... *frowns* For instance, if I'm in a crowd, then there's no way of telling who's actually closest, but when I'm alone with someone, then it would have to be either that someone or a person who's in the other room, but physically closer than--
Aki: Ichigo - stop joking around. You know what I mean.
Ichigo: *folds arms* Yeah, but I don't want to answer that. I've got my pride, after all.
Aki: What's that got to do with anything?
Ichigo: It's got to do with many things - like Zangetsu, for instance. Would you--
Aki: ...okay, on with the next question *cringes again*.


Aki: There have been many speculations about your love interest. In the end, who *do* you like?
Ichigo: *arches an eyebrow* Wha'?
Aki: As in, who would you like to hold hands with, go out - you know, that kind of things.
Ichigo: Yeah, I know what that means, but why do I have to like anyone?
Aki: Because you're the main character, and the main character always falls for someone, even if it's not official at first.
Ichigo: *darkly* Exactly how much fanfiction did you read until now?


Aki: *sweatdrops* Never mind. So... what's the meaning of life?
Ichigo: *arches an eyebrow* Are you serious about that?
Aki: Yeah, it's written right here on the clipboard. So - what's the meaning of life?
Ichigo: Well... *coughs* Life doesn't necessarily have to have a meaning in itself. It can be full of meaning, and yet it can have no meaning whatsoever. The important thing about life is how you live it. You can give your life a meaning of its own. There's no such thing as a universal meaning of life. *takes a deep breath* Is that enough?
Aki: Whoa... that was... deep.
Ichigo: Yeah, that's what I told Ishida when I read his essay about it two days ago, too.
Aki: *aside* I knew it was too good to be true.


Aki: Do you believe in pixies?
Ichigo: ...wha'?!
Aki: I asked if you believe in pixies.
Ichigo: What kind of question is that?
Aki: *aside* A *safe* question, for one thing.
Ichigo: What was that?
Aki: I said, a *simple* question. So - do you?
Ichigo: Well, since Orihime seems to have some sort of pixie-like things flying around her when she fights, it's only right to assume that there are more, so - yeah, I do.
Aki: Then you believe in other mystical beings, too? Like elves, unicorns, goblins...
Ichigo: ...don't push it.


Aki: Goku or Vegeta?
Ichigo: ...'scuse me?
Aki: Come on, that's a classic. Who do you choose? Goku or Vegeta? Or do you prefer a fusion, like Gogeta for instance?
Ichigo: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Aki: You mean you've never watched Dragonball?
Ichigo: Eh... do dragons have balls?
Aki: *shivers* Now that is just - *wrong*. Let's move on, shall we?


Aki: What's the one thing in the world that is most important to you?
Ichigo: That's not hard. My Shonen Jump collection. You'd be surprised to see how many issues I've got. I've been a fan ever since I was a little kid.
Aki: *is speechless*
Ichigo: I bet you expected me to say something cliche, like my family or my friends or whatever.
Aki: *nods*
Ichigo: Well, tough luck.
Aki: *blinks*


Aki: *sigh* Last question. Is there anything you would like to say to your fans?
Ichigo: Fans? Yeah... *starts glowing with reiatsu* If I read one more romance fanfic pairing me with God knows who, I'll turn into a giant hollow and kill you all!
Aki: *sweatdrops* Well, this is it... thank you for your time, bye! *edges slowly away*